Flash Fiction Friday: Everything is Yogurt

Courtesy of orentodoros @ pixabay.com

“And so, yesterday, I was with Stefan, and he’s all like, ‘We should take Trixie to the park sometime. Get to know other dogs and socialize,’ and I’m like, ‘We’ve been doing that all the time. We’ve been taking her out on walks and she’s been seeing other dogs.’ I don’t know, Stefan means well, but sometimes he just goes overkill, and–”


The blond millenial in question took another bite of her frozen yogurt and raised an eyebrow at Janette siting across the black metal patio table. She readjusted her white bracelet. “Yeah?”

“Why is everything yogurt?”

Kate blinked and took another bite. “What are you talking about?”

Janette grabbed her second cup of frozen yogurt — a yellow concoction peppered with diced bits of pepperoni. “We ordered pizza, right? Pizza with cheese and pepperoni on a flat surface, right? So why is this yogurt?”

“‘Cause it’s pizza, Kate.”

“No, it’s yogurt. Just like the donut holes and coffee we had this morning.” Janette shook her glass. “Just like the clear, watery frozen yogurt they put in our cups for drinks. Just like the so-called ‘pizza’ we ordered. I mean, I thought the pizza would be normal, but it’s yogurt, too!”

Kate gnawed on her plastic spoon. “Because it’s… not?”

“Yes, it is! Look at everybody walking past us! What do they have in their hands? Yogurt bowls! With spoons!” Janette stood from the metal table and grasped Kate by the shoulders. “Kate, what is going on? Why is everything yogurt?”

Kate giggled. “Janette, what in the world has gotten into you?” She reached up to touch Janette’s forehead with the back of her hand. “Mm, you don’t seem to have a fever or anything. Still, maybe we should take you home.”

“No! Not until you tell me what is happening! I wake up one day, and every food I’ve ever known has turned into frozen yogurt paste stuff. Kate, that’s not normal! That’s crazy! I think I’m going crazy!”

“Janny, Janny, Jann, sweetie…” Kate stroked the bewildered millenial’s cheek. “Shh. It’s all okay.”

With a grunt, Janette wrenched away from her. “It’s not! And I know you know it’s not! Because my best friend would tell me what the heck is going on. She… She would tell me. And she’s not right now.” The realization swept across her like rain flooding a home. “You… Are you even Kate?”

Kate’s smiled shrunk to a hard line. She put down her yogurt and spoke into the glowing white communicator bracelet around her wrist.

Her voice went cold and fierce. “Subject J dash two-four-six-oh-two refuses to comply. Requesting back-up.”

Janette stepped back into the muscled chest of a six-foot bodyguard who materialized out of pixels and air. “Wh–”

He handcuffed her and knocked her unconscious with a blow to the head in less than two seconds. Her body went limp in his arms.

“Which unit shall I take her to, Miss McKenzie?” the bodyguard asked.

Kate took another bite of her pizza-flavored frozen yogurt and hummed. “I don’t know, Stefan. Maybe Janette and Trixie should spend some time together at the park. What do you think?”


Hey, there. Thanks for reading! This piece was inspired by Yogurtland turning nearly everything conceivable into a frozen yogurt flavor, donut holes included. Who knows what they’ll come up with next?

If you found this piece awesome, funny, creepy, amaze-balls, or anything else, please consider supporting me with a cup of coffee or any-size contribution you see fit.

And as always, see you next post.


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